


Monster

by Trickster_Angel



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 04:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3595761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster_Angel/pseuds/Trickster_Angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are crueler punishments than death. What the Warden and Tamlen endured for their curiosity they didn't deserve. But the past wrongs must be righted and tonight, they will be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monster

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "Monster" by Meg & Dia. I highly recommend [you listen to it while reading](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCi8x4HQDEg).

The dream was what awakened him. The images of the archdemon were seared into his eyes, burned into his mind, its screech echoing in his ears even as Alistair talked to him. Leliana looked at him with fear in her eyes, as if he’d awakened her. Had he screamed?

Davos barely registered that Alistair was saying something. He felt sick, trying to keep supper in his stomach. He could sense the darkspawn before he could see them, standing at the first sound of the shrieks. Their piecing cries resounded in the night, calling himself and all of his companions to battle. He grabbed his daggers from his side, next to his bedroll and attacked the one standing closest to him.

With so many of them, they made short work of the shrieks. How they’d found the camp though, and so quickly, Davos just didn’t know.

He could feel their presence surrounding them, a sensation like being suffocated with the taint, but as each was defeated, the presence diminished, allowing the Warden to breathe easy again. But even as the last was blasted to pieces by Shale, something still remained. Alistair was always just a small presence, smaller than the other Grey Wardens and much smaller than the darkspawn. Davos could recognize him anywhere. What the elf sensed was something more than just his fellow Grey Warden. Something was still there.

“Warden,” Alistair said, gesturing to a figure standing off from their campsite. Even from afar, Davos could tell that whatever they were looking at, it was not a darkspawn. Too short for a hurlock, too tall for a genlock, and definitely not another shriek.

Slowly, Davos approached the figure, his daggers still at the ready, in case he needed them. The creature watched him warily, but made no movement to attack. The closer he got, the more the figure resembled an elf. His skin was dark with the taint, light colored hair mostly fallen out, his eyes sunken into his head, and Davos could just make out the vallaslin on his face. A Dalish elf then.

When Davos was only a few feet away, the creature spoke in a raspy, hoarse voice, “You.” After a long pause, as if he struggled with the words, he added, “Lethallin.”

The blood in Davos’s veins froze. He stared, slack jawed, at the creature, knowing who it was. There was no way this was true. Tamlen had disappeared. If Davos had been tainted just standing near the mirror, what it had done to his friend? He couldn’t have survived. This wasn’t Tamlen, was it?

“Mercy of the gods. It can’t be.”

“Don’t,” the creature took another pause. It was as if saying the words hurt him. “Don’t come near me! Stay away!” He practically growled the last two words and took off as soon as he’d finished speaking. Without hesitating, Davos followed after him. No one made a move to follow as the Warden ran after the darkspawn thrall.

Tamlen didn’t have far to go. At the edge of camp, he stopped running, saying, “Don’t look at me. I am sick.” He paused between his words.

Davos slowed down and inched forward slowly, as if he would frighten his friend away.

“Tamlen,” he barely breathed the name, “what’s happened to you?” His voice broke a little as he asked the question. After all this time, he had assumed Tamlen to be dead. For his friend’s sake he had hoped. Creators, it had been almost a year since Tamlen had been lost to them. A year for him to be like this.

“The song,” Tamlen forced out and Davos understood, “in my head. It calls to me. He sings to me! I can’t stop it!” He was nearly screaming. How much pain was he in? To be physically tortured by the taint, and then by the calling echoing in his mind?  “Don’t want to hurt you, lethallin. Please stop it.”

Davos could feel his heart breaking. The man he’d loved so much, the one he’d failed to protect was suffering. He wanted to help him, but there was nothing he could do, and the Warden knew it.

Davos didn’t care how his sadness resonated in his voice, how all his companions would know about the tears stinging his eyes. One trailed down his cheek as he whispered, “I wish we’d never found that cave.”

His regret ate away at him. Why had they been so stupid? One dumb mistake, and they’d both been tainted. But Davos was the lucky one. Duncan had saved him. Tamlen hadn’t been so lucky and look what he’d become.

The darkspawn thrall looked at the ground sadly, “I’m so sorry, lethallin. Never wanted this.”

Davos didn’t see the first punch coming. Before he could even register what was happening, he could feel Tamlen’s fist collide with his cheek. With the impact of the blow, he inhaled sharply, the punch nearly knocking him to the ground. The Warden retaliated with a swing of his dagger, clipping Tamlen’s chest, scrapping along the Dalish armor he still wore, even after nearly a year.

Davos heard his friends approaching but decided to end it quickly. Tamlen attempted to punch him again but the Grey Warden saw it coming and easily dodged the blow. In a quick series of motions, Davos drove one of his daggers into his friend’s chest and, twisting around, cut off his head with the other one. The bloody stump of a neck squirted tainted blood as the body collapsed to the ground.

As Davos pulled back, staring at what was once his closest friend, his companions came to his side: Alistair, Oghren, Shale, Sten, Zevran, and his faithful mabari with Morrigan, Wynne, and Leliana a few paces away, ready to attack if need be. The other warden approached him and put a hand on his shoulder in comfort. They all could see the tears in his eyes.

“Who was that?” Alistair asked with concern.

Davos looked down at the body. Without looking at the other Warden, he said, “His name was Tamlen.”

“Tamlen?” He could hear the surprise in Alistair’s voice, “Then he was the one who was with you when you-” He trailed off, resuming with a new thought, “I’m so sorry. This is what happens when the taint is left unchecked. It’s,” Alistair struggled to find the right words, “It’s better for him, to have it end. It _was_ a mercy.” He emphasized the last bit, as if Davos might disagree with him. The elf nodded his head quickly, not looking up at them.

Sensing his need to be alone, the others backed off. Davos could hear pieces of their conversations.

“What will they send next? Darkspawn tax collectors?”

“Fortifications should be built around the camp.”

“Can’t get a bloody night’s rest.”

“How unnerving!”

“It will be more difficult to sleep here, now.”

“What? No trap? No ambush? Some assassins.” Zevran snorted, disgusted with how badly the darkspawn had failed in their efforts to kill them.

“It is done,” Shale growled at them all, “Let us move on.”

The daggers slipped from Davos’s fingers as he knelt down in the dirt next to Tamlen. This was _his_ fault. He should have dragged Tamlen out of that cave as soon as they saw the walking corpses. They should never have gotten as far as the mirror. They should have returned to their clan, gathered a larger party. No, they should have killed the humans before they’d even been spotted. None of this would have happened.

He clutched his hand to his mouth, already feeling the tender flesh of his cheek beginning to swell. His breathing was ragged, already hitching even before the worse of his tears began to fall. Why did so many bad things have to happen all at once? No one deserved to end up like that. Killing Tamlen had been a mercy, Alistair was right. But that didn’t make it better. If anything, it made it worse. To know that Tamlen was so far gone, death was the only solution. That it _could be_ a mercy.

Davos tried to be quiet. His companions were already trying to go back to sleep and he didn’t want to disturb them with his grief.  Besides, if he had screamed, if that had woken Leliana up, then he didn’t want to make it worse. It was already so very late.

He didn’t want to cry, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. It was only natural. He had loved Tamlen, truly loved him. Why had he been the lucky one? Why was he the one who had lived while Tamlen became a monster? Maybe being a Grey Warden wasn’t truly a life, but he was at least alive. Which was more than could be said for Tamlen.

Davis heard the clink of armor behind him. He didn’t turn back to look at his companion, instead focusing his efforts on banishing the tears. He didn’t want whoever it was to see him like this.

“Are you going to be alright?” Alistair asked gently, stopping a few paces from Davos.

“Yes,” he replied, getting to his feet, his voice surprisingly calm, “You have the next watch, right? I’ll take it.”

The other warden looked at him dubiously. “Are you sure? What with the nightmare I assumed you’d-”

“I don’t think I could sleep even if I wanted to,” Davos interrupted.

“Well, alright then. Wake me if you get tired.” The elf nodded in reply, walking back to the campfire. He couldn’t stay alone with the body anymore.

The nightmare had chased away any desire to sleep and he was afraid that even if he tried, he just might start crying again. At the campfire, so close to everyone else, he’d have to be strong. Most of the others had gone back into their tents. Only Zevran was still milling about, and, seeing his lover at the campfire, walked over to join him.

At first he didn’t say anything, just taking a seat next to him without even trying to touch him. Davos didn’t say anything to him either, but enjoyed the proximity.

“For what it’s worth, I am sorry about your friend,” Zevran said.

“Thank you,” Davos replied quietly, “Tamlen-” He paused, “Tamlen and I were very close.”

For a minute, they said nothing. It was a bit awkward, as Zevran seemed torn between forcing a conversation about it and leaving Davos alone to his grief. The Warden was never very talkative, but, he assumed, Zevran was unsure about what he should do.

“What happened to him?” he asked.

“The short version? Tamlen and I stumbled across a group of humans. They told us about this cave with ruins in it. We went to look around and found a mirror. Tamlen touched it. I told him not to but when he did-” Davos closed his eyes in a slow blink. “I blacked out. When I woke up, it was days later and Tamlen was gone. And I’d been tainted. I went back to look for him with Merrill, the Keeper’s first, but we didn’t find him. Duncan destroyed the mirror and then took me to the Grey Wardens. I would have died if it wasn’t for him. Or maybe ended up like Tamlen.”

Awkwardly, Zevran looked away from Davos, as if he realized he’d said the wrong thing. Davos wrapped his arms around his legs, pulling his knees closer to his chest.

“Admittedly, I am not very good at this,” Zevran told him, “My job always consisted of killing, not of comfort. I didn’t stick around to see what happens afterwards.”

“You’re doing fine,” Davos replied, watching the flames, “You know, I thought he was dead. I hoped so. If I was tainted, I didn’t want to know what happened to him. He didn’t deserve it.”

“He meant a lot to you, didn’t he?”

“I loved him.” The words flowed out easily, the confession refusing to be hidden away. “He was the first person I ever loved.”

Zevran nodded, understanding what his lover wasn’t saying. “Your first?”

“Yes. He was a brave hunter. He would have done great things with his life. He-he deserved a lot better than this.”

The Warden’s hands balled into fists. “I should have done something. Anything! It’s my fault he ended up this way.” The tears prickled in his eyes again, threatening to escape.

“That was his choice, Davos. You are not his killer,” Zevran immediately exclaimed, grabbed Davos’s face so that they were looking at one another.

“He died twice, Zevran. I failed him when he touched the mirror. And I failed him again when I cut off his head.” Talking about it brought the pain back and the tears returned, falling swiftly down his face. Zevran’s expression softened at their reappearance, hands falling back to his side.

“You judge yourself too harshly. You cannot save everyone.”

“I’d like to try. That’s my job, as a Grey Warden. I’m supposed to save the world.”

“Well, you won’t have to do it alone.”

For the first time since the attack, Davos smiled. He leaned forward, closing his eyes, and gently kissing Zevran’s lips. The elf reciprocated and for a moment, the rest of the world was gone. All the pain, all the hardships, all the chaos they had to deal with was gone, and it was just the two of them, alone in this quiet moment.

Davos opened his eyes, leaning back silently. He looked at the Crow expectantly, then turned away, facing the fire again.

Wordlessly, Zevran moved his arm to rest on the Warden’s shoulder. Davos leaned his head on the elf’s shoulder. Neither tried to say anything, but neither needed to. Their silence was enough, the physical closeness did more to help than any words could. In the stillness of the night, with no noise but their gentle breathing and the wind rustling in the trees, they stayed, waiting until the sun rose and their companions awakened, watching the fire crackle and spit warm embers. Somewhere, there were answers to impossible questions, and maybe those answers could be better found in the firelight than in a set of bones long since past time to be laid to rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Spring break was surprisingly productive. Kudos and comments are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!


End file.
